Worthy of Gratitude; The End of the Journey

And now, we reach the end of this five part series on worthiness. From comments left, it seems those who read were able to garner something that related to their own experiences or some area where in they would like to strive harder for positive change in their lives.
I am excited by this because it is a sign of thinking, progressing people, who know that their own personal life is a very valuable and important thing that should be handled gently.
I am grateful for having this opportunity to share thoughts with you. I express my personal gratitude to all of you, right here, right now, from my heart.
And I hope you accept this small gift.
Sometimes, feeling worthy of gratitude is a hard thing to allow ourselves to do because we are afraid we might be seen as gloating, pretentious or perhaps feel we just don't deserve it. Our upbringings, our stations in life, how we have been molded by other's hands all have a factor in the ability to genuinely accept--and know that you are worthy of--gratitude.
You are.
Every one of you.
I know this from reading the words of your lives you've shared. You are worthy of gratitude in great abundance---to stand with your arms wide open, to close your eyes and speak in your most inner soul that yes, and YES, SEND ME GRATITUDE! The universe hears you, your angels hear you, the Divine hears you.
Let it happen.
And as a gratitude practice, pass these feelings on to others. In kindness, in generosity, in words of praise, in small ways that only you can manifest for whatever situation presents itself. Remember what you put forth will eventually come back to you tenfold. (I am not necessarily talking *bank accounts* here folks! there are other ways....really!)
We cannot change a lot of the world we now live in on large sweeping scales, but we can change the way we treat ourselves and those who are around us. One small effort does not go unnoticed. It can cause a ripple effect.....that is not the stuff of science fiction, nor of dreams. It is being willing to put thoughts and words into action and putting your gratitude out there.
It will return.
Accept it gently.......as a heart in your hands.

I now close this with an image of a felted heart I made for a series I did in fiber, and I think it is appropriate. If you wish to download and save it, fine. If you wish to use it on your blog, please just give me a cutline. If you wish to print it for an everyday reminder of Gratitude, and your worth, please do.

I most sincerely bid you, for all of your days; Love, Joy, Courage, Enough, Gratitude and above all else.....

Pax.

Worthy Of ENOUGH......

(Thanks to everyone who has responded on these posts; it has been a great privilege for me to be entrusted with different personal views and stories. Tomorrow's post will finish the series; for those of you who have read all along the way, I hope there has been something you can take with you & ponder!)

I have had ENOUGH!
I have ENOUGH!

How different those two statements are. They express almost opposite sentiments and yet flow off our tongues quickly and easily and sometimes the first one is what we say more. So let's delve a bit deeper into being Worthy of Enough.
We all have to set personal limits. It can be a difficult and frightening thing to do, especially when most of us were raised to please others, to never retort, to be silent and unseen. Humanity was not created to live in that particular vacuum, in stasis---we were meant to live in the sun and interact honestly with those around us. Therefore, getting to the point of being able to say (in whatever circumstance is appropriate in your life) "I have had ENOUGH!" is not an easy road.
In fact, the first part of this post links in with yesterday's post about Courage....it takes a lot to say it, mean it, and stand by it. It takes a lot of self worth to know when you are at that point. It is important to verbalize when enough is really much more than enough. I feel sure we've all walked that bumpy rocky path at some time, and hopefully have reached deep within to cut loose with a loud "ENOUGH!" and then moved forward.

Now, on the flip side of the coin.......are you worthy of *enough* and what is it???
Enough is not succumbing to the fads and flings that surround us daily. Enough is wisdom gained from age, experience, mistakes.....things that have impacted us and we know that the pursuit of the superfluous is, well, superfluous. (and yes, I did have to look that one up in the dictionary for the correct spelling!)
Being worthy of this kind of *enough* is being centered, wise, taking delight in the moments that pass rapidly. It is accepting what we have (in terms of property) and making the best use of it. It is realizing that no matter how little we feel we have, there are those with much less; both in spiritual realization and in the very physical realm of a hard economy.
It is not easy writing a positive statement when I look around the area where I live, and on a daily basis see people doing without due to massive job outsourcing. But there again, it hones a sharper perspective for me of exactly how I am blessed with and worthy of ENOUGH. What I have is more than sufficient, so how do I share and do it with respect towards the integrity of others?
How do I learn to be content in a mass media market constantly pushing more and more into my wallet cross-hairs......trying to coerce me to buy-buy-buy? (remember Anne....Enough...)
How do I walk away from the sales, the bargains, the *things I need*...(do you Anne? really?)
Do I cloister myself away and ignore all I can? Do I need blinders and ear plugs? Do I need to just not leave the house?
Well, in my case, yes. Sometimes that is what I do. And that is when I find, within myself, my studio, my heart and my life, that I am worthy of many many moments that are Enough.
You are worthy of that too. The moments of peace, without want, without greed, without fear, without pressure; when the very act of being is Enough. You deserve that, and the wonderful sense of everything being right in your world that comes with it.
What you have within you, in your soul, in your psyche, in the deepest recesses of your heart-of-hearts is enough and you are worthy of knowing that and not having anyone try and make you feel less.
You are completely ENOUGH.
And I like you that way.
If I remember correctly, the quote in the photo is from a book read back in my childhood, which I believe was "Rabbit Hill" and it hit the nail on the head......

"There is enough for all."

And you're worthy.

Pax.

Worthy Of Courage

(Not unlike the Cowardly Lion, we all--at some point--ask if we will ever find courage, and thus begin our worthiness quest......)

There is a specific reason I chose to write about courage on this date; one year ago today, at approximately 9:50 in the morning, I propelled myself across our garage, arms flailing, loads of art flying, my body bouncing off hard items and managed to become airborne, before landing at the front of the garage, directly on my right femur head, feeling the femoral neck break as it hit the concrete floor.
I was alone.
No cell phone near, nothing.
I laid in pain, shrieking as only a person severely injured can. It is that primal sound that comes from your gut. It is something you do not want to hear.
I had no choice but to roll myself over, use my left leg to stabilize the broken right hip, and crawl hand over hand the full length of the garage, back to my studio, up four steps, and reach the phone to call my husband. (and yes, this was all in excruciating pain....)
Was this courage? I don't know. People have described it as such but I prefer to think of it as some innate survival instinct. You don't know what you're capable of until it happens. Then the adrenalin kicks in.
Today, March 11, 2010, I feel courageous. I am WORTHY of saying that. I have survived one bad surgery, one great surgery, am on my third bout of physical therapy and am determined beyond belief that I am going to function like I did before. That is where the courage kicks in.
When you are down, when the people you thought were friends quickly scamper away like rats leaving the sinking ship, when you realize projects you have sunk your heart into are gone, when you finally PUT YOUR NEEDS FIRST---that is courage.
It is a difficult quality to pinpoint, and we are pretty well brainwashed into thinking of *heros* as courageous......but like the great garage fall, most of the time, it is gut instinct or training at play. I am not saying there is not bravery of a certain sort involved---but we are dealing with a different animal, though closely related.
You are worthy of the courage to stand and speak when something is not RIGHT; morally, ethically, politically. You are worthy of that because within you there is a voice that needs to be heard, and it takes a tremendous amount of courage to speak up and not back down.
Courage is reaching out to those who are normally forgotten, when you may be socially ostracized, when there is the very good chance that emotional hurt will be involved. Courage is digging deep to face personal issues head on and not sweep them under the carpet and not be swayed when you know what you must do.
Courage is that moment when you know you cannot live by foolish rules set down by others, and define your own set of life-rules, and then daily, stick to them.
It is the fire in the belly, the conviction in your soul, the temper you feel rise in your blood.
You are WORTHY of this.
Why?
Because then, you will be living your own life, and not one planned for you by someone else. You will be walking unwalked paths, gaining knowledge and strength each step of the way. You will be sturdy like the oak but bend like a willow when you must.......because sometimes courage involves silence. To think, to decide, to ponder how to proceed.
We are most worthy of these qualities because we are finite creatures, and with courage, we can leave a footprint that will be followed by others.
Yes, you can break away.
Yes, you can seek your dreams.
Yes, you can succeed....because you have gone forward courageously. You certainly are worth that....are you not?
My journey is not over. My courage failed when I was assigned this last therapy round. I felt sorry for myself, pondering the loss of a year of normal life, and at 50, it's a lot different than when you are younger. I wanted to retreat, to sit and withdraw, to try and forget how I had been in my *previous existance*.....the tall blonde woman in the tight swishy dress and high heels, the firebrand, the perpetual joker. I thought for sure it was all gone. How much more could I go through, emotionally and physically? Was this endless? Was the pain endless?
Then that devilish little fire-starter in my belly tuned up and reminded me I have places to go, things to do, stillettos to wear and many people left to annoy!
And so, I step forward again, courageously, to prove I am worthy of this. And I will be whole again.
Join me. Prove your worth.

Oh, by the way. No more flights across the garage....I think I'll walk the next time....   ;-)

Pax.

P.S. Home from PT, and I have worked so hard, I have only TWO MORE SESSIONS!!! And I did tell them I had been crawling on the sewing tables, up ladders, lifting bookcases........maybe they're sick of me.....LOL!!!

Worthy Of JOY!!!

(It is both sad and  ironic that the morning I discover the dear Renee of Blogland has crossed her final bridge, my post--written yesterday--is about joy. I almost pulled this, in respect. But Renee's correspondence brought so many love and joy, it is left as a memory for those who knew her well and were touched by her words and mirth........)

While yesterday's post about being worthy of love came somewhat easy, trying to find the words for this one is harder. I know, in my heart, that each and every one of us are worthy of deep joy and meant to feel it intensely.

However, it seems that everything around us conspires to keep that joy from ever touching our skins, let alone sinking into our hearts, minds and souls.
Let me ramble a bit.......as an artist, I find joy in the oddest tidbits and, well, *junque* that most would throw away. I love things that can have a second life, a different use, to be transformed. And I feel joy doing just that.
But being *worthy* of joy...oh, yes. There is the stickler.
Society says; "Buy this 20 bazillion dollar car---you'll feel joy." Or perhaps; "These ridiculously priced Italian leather shoes, with too many zeros to count on the tag
(no wait..stuff like that never has tags!) will make you most joyful!"
When I was born, my father plunked down what had to have been a good chunk of his military salary for a gift of "Joy" perfume, to my mother. I still have the bottle. It was so expensive, she seldom, if ever, used it. And while the *giving and thought* behind the gift stayed with her all her life, and seeing it revived the memory, it was the ACT that brought the JOY.
Therefore, what I surmise is that true acts of kindness, with no expectation in return, with no strings attached, to those that we both know and do NOT know, are one of the things that instills pure joy into our hearts. It is experieces and actions as opposed to purchases and flaunting.
An example from my own life--about pure joy. My mother had breast and bone cancer that took her life. Every time I get that letter from the Radiology Dept--usually after three infuriating tries--saying that *the girls* are okay (knotty, uncooperative and dense, but okay) there is a moment of elation that I can't express.
You can't buy that.
When I see someone progress and learn an art or sewing technique that they were sure they never could, that brings pure joy.
It is the very undefinable and unpredictable experiences we encounter daily that will, in the end, seep deep into our psyche and let us know we are worthy of that immense joy! Open your awareness of what is really going on around you, even under some of the harshest conditions and you will find there is a gift of joy to be accepted by you, or an opportunity to receive one by doing for someone else.
Sure, this goes totally against our market driven economy.
But I have to ask you, is that so bad????
Are you not worth more than numbers and acquisitions?
Aren't you worth cutting loose and throwing your arms in the air and saying "YES!" even if it is for no reason, other than to acknowledge yourself and the joy of the moment?
You are worth every single joyful ordinary thing. You are worth the time to look for them, or perform them. You are worth the effort of stockpiling true joy, for the hard days and the dark days.
Because it can never be taken from you, unless you choose to give someone else permission to do so, and then usually it is to strip you bare emotionally, and leave them gloating.
Put on your armor of joy....because you are very worthy of it, every single day you live.

Oh, and the woman by the side of the road, or in the parking lot bent over and snagging smashed, rusted bottle caps and odd pieces of wood or stone? That will be me; engrossed in my joy meditation.
Please do not run me over.
And if it looks like I am stuck with my nether regions in the air and head down, a helping hand to an upright position would be greatly appreciated.....  ;-)

I bid you, as always......

Pax.

Worthy of Love ♥♥♥

BLOG GIVE-AWAY!!!

"Love Is......"

Collabrative piece, mixed media, 16"x20", ready to hang.

Any comment left during the *Worthy* posts qualifies you to win this piece!

(Yes, that means you can enter more than once!)

Drawing will be March 17th, random number generator or

high tech *names in a bag*.......  :D

During these posts, I will have small sections of the above painting with the posts, as a reminder to get signed up.  All my blogfriends and readers are worthy of it. It is a visual reminder of what *Love Is...* I will ship where ever, though if it is a far off location, it might be through a slower method!

What has made it so difficult for any of us to realize and embrace the idea that we, as we are at the moment, are well worthy of love? As an aside, you have to realize as I sit writing this (Monday afternoon), I am tired, cranky, dirty and worn out. I'm not close to being verbose or eloquent; I'm just hammering words and brain dribble. For someone to love me in this present state seems a little on the impossible side, but hey, I'm hoping..... I mean, every day we have thrust into our faces images of utter perfection; airbrushed, photo-manipulated, bonethin-perfect skinned women (nay, teenagers) that someone has said...this is what you have to be for you to be loved. And if you aren't, well, good luck.
You must be joking.
Pfffft.
But that is not you, or me. Sooooo.....

I disagree.
In fact, I disagree on so many levels, I could fill a hard drive with my rant! I'll keep this short so as not to lose readers to delicious sleep.
You are worthy of love the way you are if you learn to accept love.....from others, from nature, from the universe. For the good you put out, that love returns when you open your heart to it.
Not necessarily romantic love (no one is coming to sweep this girl off her feet and onto a white horse unless he wrestles with the WWE and is riding a Clydesdale....ahem....) but that soul filling, stress quenching, all encompassing love that you used to feel as a child when Summer was about and dandelion seedheads were waiting to be blown to the four winds. When you watch a sunset of the most spectacular intensity, so that you don't know whether to laugh or cry and the colors glow upon your skin and you are embraced in the moment.....when you feel that everything is right with the world as your eyes close for slumber, in a soft warm bed....when you smell the first tantalizing scent of Autumn in the air. You've experienced at least one of those, yes? And remember the feeling? You were so engulfed in that second, doubts and fears were cast aside. The real you was there, open to the pure joy.
That is love. That is what you, at this very moment are completely, utterly worthy of if you will let it happen. Put aside the TV and magazines, the *experts* that psycho-analyze your every breath in front of 2 million viewers. Put aside the expectations of parents and friends, and sometimes spouses. The conservative ways we were raised, the scoldings in school, the mean co-worker who does their best to belittle us in public. Forget for a moment people who have wronged us and hurt us, lied to us repeatedly, thieved from our work claiming it as their own and made us feel we were worthy of little.
They are wrong. You were put here to be loved, because you are worthy of it. Every single, luscious, wonderful second of feeling it, pulling it towards you, accepting the gift that is waiting for your heart, pushing back the nay-sayers.......You were not created to feel LESS. You were put here for the abundance of MORE, and that's LOVE.
Let the universe bring you love.
Now.
Close your eyes and breath deep and let that idea soak in. Feel what is being sent to you---pure thoughts of love of sisterfriends.
And exhale everything else.
Everything. Let it go.
Just let it go.

Last evening, as I was struggling with my commission, arthritis fuming into a boiling stage, my husband said the simplest thing to me that was grander than any eloquent speech.
"I want you to do things that make you happy. I want you to have fun."
If that wasn't saying I was worthy of love, I don't know what else it could be.

Find your moment, embrace it...don't be afraid. Let it permeate you. Let it fill you up until you can say "I am sooooo worthy of love! I have been all along!" And don't let it go!

And let's hope it doesn't involve the wrestler and the Clydesdale.....LOL!!! That one's MINE!!!
Now get out there and let yourself be loved!
I bid you, as always....

Pax.

Brene Brown's "Week of Worthiness" (and a GIVE AWAY!)

Yes, from the woman who could not see straight from too much to do this morning, a second post today. I needed a break. An e-mail made it possible for me to get out of hamster-in-the-wheel mode.

Sometimes you have to let life happen.

I received an e-mail from Brene Brown about a "Week of Worthiness", which will have participants posted on her blog, Ordinary Courage. You need to hop over and read a bit about it.

I will be doing a give away in conjunction with the posts, which will be tomorrow thru Friday, or the weekend if I miss a day.
I am posting a teaser of the prize today......there will be more about it later.
Why did I stop and take a breath out of this bizarre schedule to do this?
Because that is what it is all about, and what I need.
Life is delightfully imperfect, and so am I.
Tune in tomorrow and let's see where we go.......when will we be *worthy*?

Pax.