Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Very Punny Day To You.......



After yesterday's post, it was quite obvious to me that I could not be as eloquently verbose again today, or possibly for many days, thus, one of my favorite things that can provide both laughs and groans....good puns. I cannot credit those who wrote them because I received them in an e-mail, so to  the brilliant souls who penned these, I thank you! You have made me both laugh and groan early in the morning mail reading! (and I really should disable comments on this post.....)

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."



2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"


3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."


5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

27 comments:

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

OMG

I had to tell Jon every single one of these.

I"m now going to post one on Facebook.

Nothing like a punny groaner to start the day!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Yeah, tell Jon that's my self-portrait at the top too!!!

I love good puns...they're so...oh, I don't know. You have to have a good grasp of words to get the humor, you know?

XXOO!!
Anne

Linda Moran said...

Oh my - great laughs and groans to start the day!! I have to catch up with your posts later - it's been busy on this end!!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Linda,

I got your new blog addy and I too am behind on everything. Will be over to read when I get a few things caught up. (haha.....it never ends!)
Glad you got a laugh!

XXOO!!
Anne

Georgina said...

OMG, I sure needed that today...this is a boo-hiss, guffaw blog today!!

Love ya much,
G

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Laugh Georgina, I think it is the only thing that is left that is free and healthy!!!

XXOO!!
Anne

Leslie said...

You are evil, I am spewing coffee, I am stealing on of them too for FB. My daughter thinks I have lost my mind!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

HAHAHA!!!! We've all lost our minds Leslie, and this post is proof!
I did my job well.....I made you lose your coffee again! >:D

XXOO!!
Anne.....bringer of mirth!

yoborobo said...

LOL!!! There are some true groaners in that bunch, Anne! Thank you for the giggles. I love 'one carrion per passenger' hahahahah! xoxo!

Deborah said...

HAHAHAHA! HA! Love the monkey face. I was in the middle of reading this earlier and then my parents called to check in and let me know that they are able to sit up and take nourishment...then I wandered out by the pool to do stretches in the sun, as I am not as bendy as I used to be...then the emails about letters and my brain said OOOps, you never finished reading Anne. How in the world did I ever hold a job before??? **blows kisses** Deb

Marie S said...

LOL!! I laughed so hard. But did you look at that monkeys face, what a grin?? That right there is some pretty good stuff.
Love and hugs, my dear. Thank you so much for the knee slappers.

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Pam,

that was probably my favorite....somthing about the visual that goes with it!!! LOL!!

XXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Deb,

welcome to my world....there are days of late I am not sure how I manage to make coffe and get clothes on.....HA!
Same thing happened when I was reading your blog...go distracted by the phone, then something else...ad infinitum, ad nauseaum!

XXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey MArie,

I love finding funny pics of chimps.....they emote sooooo well!
I always feel they size situations up and then respond appropriately. ;)

XXOO!!
Anne

Queenmothermamaw said...

Makes me think of Jimmy Buffett's "Fruit cakes in the oven, fruit cakes every where." Love it.
QMM

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey QMM,

I had not heard that---but it sure applies to my life at the moment!
LOL!!!

XXOO!!
Anne

Vicki~TheMiddleSister said...

I almost woke Ayden laughing so loud!

via iPhone 8-)

marianne said...

well, i got to them at the end of the day, but i still appreciate the smile! pretty clever folks out there!

Ces said...

I am terrible at jokes. I always forget the punchline! Sometimes I mix two jokes. I have to make my own jokes. I can never use other people's. HAHAHA!

kj said...

anne, this quacked me up.

no ad nauseaum is allowed until sunday. you have to make up jokes and laugh and you have to talk to all your flowers.

just thought i'd toss out a fun option for the weekend!

btw, i like the variety of your posts. heehee(seriousface)haha(seriousface)heehahahee

xoxo
kj

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Vicki!

You got the iPhone working with the web! YAY!!!!
And don't wake Ayden....silence is golden, eh??? ;)

XXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Marianne,

a laugh to end the day sometimes is better than at the start...frequuently we need it more then!

XXXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Ces,

I cannot tell a joke. I think it requires a certain talent that I was not given. Though a lot of times I can figure the punchline before someone is finished.
So I just read them and keep my mouth SHUT! HAHAHA!!!

XXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey kj,

I shall set Sunday as the official *ad nauseaum* day.....hahaha!
I have a brain that hops from one thing to another....which is why you never know what you'll find on this blog.
Which is why I get so easily distracted.......one day serious, next day not, next day photos, and SOMETIME......there will be art again.
I think I need to talk lovingly to my art supplies and see if they listen......HA!

XXOO!!
Anne

Magpie's Mumblings said...

I managed to chuckle my way through all of these, until I hit the last one and that's when I lost it. There's something about a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis that totally slays me. Thanks Anne!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Just doing my job.....making the world a lighter place to be! LOL!!!!
Hopefully you weren't drinking anything...... :)

XXOO!!
Anne

freebird said...

I loved these. A nice humorous beginning to my day. I tried to share these with my husband but he didn't appreciate them - too positive I guess so I am going to give the link to my daughter and grandkids as they will appreciate them like they should.

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