The Tangles Of Thought

It is surprising, after yesterday's abundance of replies to my post how I realized that I have been contemplating this transition for longer than I can recall. I am not sure what it is in my artistic make up that keeps me from moving on from one area to another. The known, no matter how miserable, is KNOWN. No surprises, the same old, same old. No risk, just do it. The unknown, is...well....who knows what is out there! I can coach on this but applying it to myself seems to be another story altogether! ;-)
The three photos I am using in this post were from a day last year when it was frigid, but I had grabbed my camera, hopped in the car and flew, looking for digital fodder. I had no thought of time or work on the table, I was in between large jobs and life was in this state of "Seize the Moment!"

I shot and shot until my fingers were so cold I could not feel with them and my face felt like the skin would peel off in frozen flakes.

It was exciting and wonderful! It was miserable and wonderful! It was just damned COLD, as only Indiana can be and look so blasted sunny and nice.

Why I picked these today was a reminder to myself that I have obviously, somehow.....through the influence of another.....lost a part of my life that I enjoyed very much. Yes, when you lose something like that, you (being ME) allow it to happen. You get on another tangled path to avoid confrontation and to prove your worth.

And while there are those who have nothing to do with the change that benefit from it (those I design for) the real artistic spark is reduced to an ember. I have found that often, there are those who find delight in this, and sadly, it is often people with nominal artistic talent themselves. They have an agenda. Real art terrifies them, no matter how much they sugar coat it. They have to be the center of attention, and will go to extremes to keep it that way.

It has taken me a full year to get to this point, to write this, to admit that venom from elsewhere pushed me back into work that keeps me isolated.....and away from what I love most. Away from my real art. I have done the work I've done because I knew I could do it well without much thought; it is in public, and brings in money. It is, somehow, a large phallic symbol. (yes, women fall for that trap too....you know what I mean...)

On the other hand, that year of semi-isolation has allowed me to build this blog and meet wonderful artists who *get it* and who encourage each other without agenda. We meet and talk, we push each other gently when we need to, we support, we laugh! We understand the ups and downs of life and don't have the need to steal ideas or misguide each other for personal benefit.

Somhow, here in this little blog-world, we just do what we were meant to; make art and make friends.

And there is a contentness and happiness. There is joy in seeing someone else succeed, in adding helpful commentary on a work in progress, in looking at something we've done and having a laugh at our not-so-brilliant idea that went wonky. (or turned into something else wonderfully different!) How delightful, how real.

I'm sure this is vague, but it is how it has to be. I also find it appropriate that the photos were from an old cemetary; the end of one life, the beginning of another.

So here is to vagueness, and how it can cleanse the heart, and to how long I have wanted to write this........one or two of you will understand exactly who and what it is about. For the rest, garner what wisdom you may, and know that creativity is above all else something to be savored, cherished, and used as YOU see fit.

Pax.

As a Post Script, yesterday I found a letter I had written had been posted on Robert Genn's site; here is a link as they must have come to the blog to pull one of the mixed media images to add to the post.

http://clicks.robertgenn.com/bad-moods.php

Maybe, at the end of the day, this was a sign for me to take my art a bit more seriously, since they found something they liked enough to publish.......