Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Tangles Of Thought


It is surprising, after yesterday's abundance of replies to my post how I realized that I have been contemplating this transition for longer than I can recall. I am not sure what it is in my artistic make up that keeps me from moving on from one area to another. The known, no matter how miserable, is KNOWN. No surprises, the same old, same old. No risk, just do it. The unknown, is...well....who knows what is out there! I can coach on this but applying it to myself seems to be another story altogether! ;-)
The three photos I am using in this post were from a day last year when it was frigid, but I had grabbed my camera, hopped in the car and flew, looking for digital fodder. I had no thought of time or work on the table, I was in between large jobs and life was in this state of "Seize the Moment!"

I shot and shot until my fingers were so cold I could not feel with them and my face felt like the skin would peel off in frozen flakes.
It was exciting and wonderful! It was miserable and wonderful! It was just damned COLD, as only Indiana can be and look so blasted sunny and nice.
Why I picked these today was a reminder to myself that I have obviously, somehow.....through the influence of another.....lost a part of my life that I enjoyed very much. Yes, when you lose something like that, you (being ME) allow it to happen. You get on another tangled path to avoid confrontation and to prove your worth.
And while there are those who have nothing to do with the change that benefit from it (those I design for) the real artistic spark is reduced to an ember. I have found that often, there are those who find delight in this, and sadly, it is often people with nominal artistic talent themselves. They have an agenda. Real art terrifies them, no matter how much they sugar coat it. They have to be the center of attention, and will go to extremes to keep it that way.

It has taken me a full year to get to this point, to write this, to admit that venom from elsewhere pushed me back into work that keeps me isolated.....and away from what I love most. Away from my real art. I have done the work I've done because I knew I could do it well without much thought; it is in public, and brings in money. It is, somehow, a large phallic symbol. (yes, women fall for that trap too....you know what I mean...)
On the other hand, that year of semi-isolation has allowed me to build this blog and meet wonderful artists who *get it* and who encourage each other without agenda. We meet and talk, we push each other gently when we need to, we support, we laugh! We understand the ups and downs of life and don't have the need to steal ideas or misguide each other for personal benefit.
Somhow, here in this little blog-world, we just do what we were meant to; make art and make friends.
And there is a contentness and happiness. There is joy in seeing someone else succeed, in adding helpful commentary on a work in progress, in looking at something we've done and having a laugh at our not-so-brilliant idea that went wonky. (or turned into something else wonderfully different!) How delightful, how real.
I'm sure this is vague, but it is how it has to be. I also find it appropriate that the photos were from an old cemetary; the end of one life, the beginning of another.
So here is to vagueness, and how it can cleanse the heart, and to how long I have wanted to write this........one or two of you will understand exactly who and what it is about. For the rest, garner what wisdom you may, and know that creativity is above all else something to be savored, cherished, and used as YOU see fit.

Pax.

As a Post Script, yesterday I found a letter I had written had been posted on Robert Genn's site; here is a link as they must have come to the blog to pull one of the mixed media images to add to the post.
Maybe, at the end of the day, this was a sign for me to take my art a bit more seriously, since they found something they liked enough to publish.......

25 comments:

Marilyn said...

Anne.... You strike me as one of the most focused & straight-forward person I know. This is how you see yourself.... not how all others see you. BUT how we see ourselves is the most important after all as we have to live in ourselves.....
Have a Great Weekend!
Love,
Marilyn

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Hey Marilyn,

What a completely absorbing thought! I shall mull that this weekend.
And yes, there will be sewing...I can't take the little vacation any longer......sigh.....
Still looking for that Studio Pixie.... ;)
Have a good one; hope the weather is fit there.

XXOO!!
Anne

audrey said...

Well, I don't know the particulars, but I have a real good idea what you are talking about. So, with that in mind (and with total respect), I say this:

You, Anne, are a true, talented artist. If you so choose, your work should be out there on display for the world to see and enjoy. And you should walk proud with your head held high. You have accomplished SO much already in this life and you have SO MUCH more to give. Lookout world ~ here comes Anne Huskey-Lockard!!!

This is a short version of what I wanted to say, but I don't want to hog the blog. LOL!
You get the idea. Get out there and show them who you are, Anne. Go for what is TRULY in your heart!

((big hugs))
audrey

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Thanks Audrey!
And you can hog all you want...I wonder how long a comment can be before Blogger closes it out??? Hmmmmmm........a challenge in the making! LOL!
Yesterday and today have been healing and cathartic and that has been like having a weight lifted off me.
Here's to just making art!!!

XXOO!!
Anne

Deborah said...

Anne, this is brilliant! I completely get it. I am certainly not an artist, just a little crafter, gardener, writer of small things, but in the depths of raising a troubled teen, I took on more and more work until I was lost in it, for at least when I sat at my computer I could control life, I could make my doctors sound brilliant, feel important, and make good money by working WAY too many hours, thus having no life. That troubled teen is a great success now, and it was just last year when he went off to Iraq that I realized I was ready to live again. My bloggy friends are the reason that I made it through his year long deployment swimmingly. You are all my Yayas..."a group of three or more women whose hearts and souls are joined together by laughter and tears shared through the glorious journey of life". I've just met you, and yet you have quickly become one of my most important Yayas. And you accept me even though I am not an artist. All my love to you, Deb

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Deborah, you are an artist of words and thoughts, of intent and support. Art takes many forms.....the one referrence in my post was about someone who totally overrated what they did and shamelessly took others original ideas and profited from them. (I accidently came across the other artists blog one day and about passed out)
Our lives all have particular rough paths.....and we come out on the other side shining brighter, though at the time we are clueles to what is going on! (other than the thought...will this ever end!!!)
And YES to Ya-Yas!!!! Oh my! So many up here did not *get* the book, but Lord A'mighty, I did!!!
To my yaya sister, I salute you!

XXOO!!
Anne (who can't remember her yaya name, but it was something about Princess dances naked blah blah, which was pretty funny and accurate!)

Ces said...

Anne, you are so beautiful, do you know that? My goodness, my head is about to explode from reading your contemplation. You know that I love you? I know I just met you but you are so easy to love. and you understand what I say and I understand what you are saying. I am blessed, very blessed that I met the most wonderful women in the blogs. I do not want many, I only want the ones I have, the few and the special, now and then I meet a new one and I welcome that but I have been blogging for three years and I know the good ones. They never leave, they are always there maybe not everyday but they are there when you need them most.

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Ces dear, please do not let your FPOT explode!!! It might get on one of your lovely drawings and I would cry, or be sick if you posted it!!!!
Thank you for the kind words... I love you too and am glad of the good people that I have met; wonderful folks that connect. We seem to magnetically find each other, eh?
And how nice too...you're right; we always know who will be back, and there's no worries.
Again, thanks. From the little Netter-Wanna-be!

XXOO!!!
Anne

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

Do the work you want to do - and that you have to do.l

Screw anybody who puts a wrench into the works. Just leave them in your dust and you continue to do what you do.

Loved the photos - they would make wonderful transparencies to use in collages!

And - SEW! :-)

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Tristan......

((HUG!!!)))

You're so damned eloquent....LOL!!!

XXOO!!
Anne

Magpie's Mumblings said...

Sometimes we just have to shut up and listen...to ourselves. Quite often the path we're supposed to take is knocking us upside the head and we keep turning the other way and treading the same path we have always done because it's safe, and comfortable, and expected of us. Having said that, it's much easier to talk about than DO!

Julie ZS said...

So true, so true!
Finding and staying on your pathway is what life ends up being about, with detours for family and friends of course. But when you're on the beam, you're on it, and when you're off, you're off it. We can fool ourselves all we want to, but that just takes away from the time and energy we're meant to spend on the real and true reason that we're here. Back to work then!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

MA, oh, if I had efficiently listened to myself over the years....yes...ruts get comfortable in a way because they require movement, new territory and risk.
So I should start mapping my process NOW to look forward to something else when it is done!
It is most difficult to listen to *ME*.... ;)

XXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head Julie.....and I am one that has eyes going a thousand directions anyway, on a good day, so trying to stay within bounds is most difficult.
I am infamous for "just one more" of whatever.....and I do this over and over. I think I don't, and suddenly, there I am again.
The last was making volumns of aprons that is part of the reason my hands don't function well now.
You think I would have learned...
Ay-yi-yi....... :)

XXOO!!
Anne

Jan said...

This was on today's Writers Almanac:
It's the birthday of artist Georgia O'Keeffe, born in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin (1887). In 1923, she said, "One day seven years ago I found myself saying to myself — I can't live where I want to — I can't go where I want to go — I can't do what I want to — I can't even say what I want to … I decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least paint as I wanted to."

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Jan, my dear friend, you have stated EVERYTHING with that eloquent quote.
Thank you....from the bottom of my piratey-little heart!!! ;)
Now go make something wonderful!!!

XXOO!!
Anne

P.S. Obviously this is a rite of passage for all artists, no matter what they do.....

Ces said...

Yes, I lost my nuts, all 4 sets of 9. I am sick. I am nutless. I don't even feel like drawing them anymore, but I hat to, one nut at a time.

Love your music.

Your nutless sisterfriend:

Ces

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Ces, if I could draw them for you, I certainly would share my nuts with you......
But your nuts would be better than mine, and then there would be a nut-war in the great oak forest.
I send you nut-blessings and perserverence prayers instead. I have lost artwork before, and believe me, I was NOT NICE to be around.

XXOO!!
Anne

Marie S said...

I have no idea of what happened but with what you wrote I felt my self understanding and feeling this oh too well. You (meaning me) put your heart out in everything you make, this makes it personal. But no worries really, there is always more. And the minute I cling to it, is where I trip. Tristan is so right. Do this for you, when you want, and how you want and the rest will take care of itself. Do the other for money, I mean after all, you have to pay for supplies.;-)
Only you can do you oh so well!!! This makes it worth stealing and coveting by people who are afraid to do themselves.
Do you! It is GOOD!

Love and hugs.

Lynn Devine McDonald said...

Anne,
I am so glad you were open and honest and posted your musings. Isn't it wonderful to see the love and support you receive from all of your blogging friends. Remember, these are your true friends, they have nothing to prove or gain by being mean spirited...they are only here to cheer you on and lift you up. You are an amazingly talented, creative artist, you have LOTS of ideas and art that hasn't bubbled to the surface yet...go for it girly!!! There is a book called "What someone else thinks of me is none of my business" ( or something like that) YOU do what is right for YOU.
love ya,one of your cheerleaders,
Lynn

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Thanks Marie,

All the response has shown me that I am not in a singular situation and that everyone reaches a point of change, and usually it bubbles up and smacks one in the face when it's time.
I have felt rejuvinated by the post and remarks and the task ahead of me ids shrinking, at least mentally! ;)

XXOO!!
Anne

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Dear Cheerleader Lynn...heehee!
Are you going to be jumping up and down in the short skirt??? (had to ask....)
You know me well enough that I bury myself in work, hoping life will resolve itself, and of course, it doesn't. It isn't until I deal with it in my hot little hands (or head) that it gets fixed.
I am so blessed with blog friends, e-mail friends, FaceBook friends....what am I whining about???
Thank you!

XXOO!!
Anne

Ces said...

Bad bad bad Anne. Go away and EAT!

Ces said...

Hmn, I am going to eat curly fries in a while. Today I ate a kolache and sugar doughnuts and a glass of diet coke. Hmn. I still have the rest of the evening to eat all kinds of junk and if I get paged in the middle of the night, I may eat ice cream before my project implementation starts after midnight.

Mary Helen-Art Saves Lives said...

Dear Anne...please listen with your heart... to your heart. I agree with Tristan...do what you need and want to do and remember to hold your heart in gentle loving hands so you can have the energy you need to create. You have so much love to give and time is the only true gift we have . Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen

Post a Comment

Talk to me Dahling!
I'm waiting, breathless...... ;-D